How can Bert and Ernie help you move forward in life?

How can Bert and Ernie help you move forward in life?

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To every Ernie there is Bert. To every Bert there is an Ernie. What the heck am I talking about?? How is this about inner dialogue? Well, let me elaborate.

Relationships


Last week I was away with friends and we got to talking about relationships.
One of my friends said: my boyfriend always tells me that I am the one in charge of the structure and routine in our family and he only adds a little good atmosphere.

One of my other friends said she recently heard someone say: there is a Bert and an Ernie in every relationship. You know, there’s always one of the two who’s the funny, less serious one. The one who’s most relaxed & carefree. Aka. Ernie. The other partner is more of a Bert: the one who sees the necessity of structure, the one who’s a little more negative, strict, cautious.
You get my drift, right?
Well, that got us all talking and thinking out loud. Are we the Bert or the Ernie in our relationship?

And how does that work with our siblings? Or at work? d Do we play the Bert or the Ernie role? What I found, is that there is always a balance.
In my relationship I’m usually more of an Ernie, whereas in the relationship with my sister I’m definitely the Bert. We all agreed that, beside it being kinda funny, there is a Bert and Ernie living in all of us. We are a little of both, depending what situation we’re in.

inner dialogue

Business coaching insight


Today, in the middle of my business coaching, me being the coachee, we got to talking about Bert and Ernie again. They seem to be everywhere these days. ๐Ÿ˜‰

In this case it was about how our inner voices control us. We all have 2 inner voices talking to us. One voice lets us set commitments, formulate them in a specific, measurable, inspiring and motivating way. The other voice tells us to be cautious, tells us we might not be able to do what we’re planning here. Or that it might not be smart to go that route. Sometimes we listen to our first, enthusiastic voice and get far. Other times, we try our best, but the second, cautious voice takes over and pulls the breaks.

You could say that you have a conscious and an unconscious voice. Because, for example, on one hand you really, consciously want to own a big car. On the other hand, deep down, you don’t have it yet because you feel you are not worthy of it, you don’t deserve it.

So, to revert that to Bert and Ernie: Your inner Ernie wants the big car. He tries everything he can to get/buy/own that big car. All the while though, your inner Bert has been telling your inner Ernie he doesn’t deserve that car, he needs to have money and a driving license first. Will Ernie end up with the car? Nope. Will you? Nope.

Get Bert and Ernie to work FOR you


So how can we get our inner Bert and Ernie to work FOR us?? That’s the 100dollar question, right?

Well, I’ll tell you. BOTH Bert AND Ernie need to agree on wanting that car. Only then will you actually get/buy/own it. Bert needs to be in on the idea of a big car. He needs to feel good about that car. Bert needs to want it as much as Ernie.

And please know: neither Bert or Ernie are good or bad. They both have a point. You are allowed to want a big car. It’s ok that it makes you feel happy. And, also true, it might not be safe for you to own and drive that car without a license or by getting yourself in debt…

What is relevant in this for me, is the awareness of the two voices in my head. And the fact that I’ve given them names that I can relate to. So that they can help me identify what areas I need to work on.

When I take a stand that I will make 5 successful sales calls this week and at the end of the week I haven’t even picked up the phone once, it means I let my inner Bert take over. And that I need to work on myself on a deeper level. What has Bert been telling me this week? What can I see now? How can I get Bert to help me make these calls next week?

Do you recognize this inner dialogue? The Bert and Ernie – level of your inner dialogue? If you’d like help getting Bert on board with all of Ernie’s wild plans, don’t hesitate to contact me! ๐Ÿ™‚

Have a good day! ๐Ÿ™‚ Everything is a choice.

Trying to fit in will only get you so far. What will get you further?

Trying to fit in will only get you so far. What will get you further?

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My whole life I’ve tried to fit in.
To blend in.
Due to all the moving around I had to start over many times. And for me, starting over was easiest when I tried to fit in as best as I could.

Paying attention to details and taking on the habits, the opinions, the actions of the new group. I learned a lot doing that. And I enjoyed doing that. But I also realize now, that it was the easiest thing to do. No need to figure out what MY habit was, what MY opinion was, what MY action would be.

I hid behind the group I wanted to be a part of.

I fit in

Shame and invisibility


With the fitting in came a sense of shame, not feeling good enough. Since I had to assess the ‘way it’s done here’ and acclimate myself to that, there was no time to be me. And whenever I had to be me, I would feel ‘not good enough’ or ‘too different’ and therefor: shame. Hardly ever did I feel pride. Pride of where I came from, what I had to offer, who I was.

The result now is that I sometimes still have to ask myself who I really am. What I really want. Independent of others. Every time we moved to a new home, I had to make new friends and fit in with a new group, culture. So I have since made it my strength to focus on others. People love attention. People love talking about themselves being heard and seen. Giving people the space they love, took the attention away from me, made me invisible at times.

The story I’m telling myself…


The story I used to tell myself is I function best one on one. In those settings I get the chance to really connect, make friends. I make myself ‘needed’ because of the way I lend an ear when someone is sad, feeling bad or depressed. The downside of that story is that I believed the opposite to be true as well: ‘I don’t do well in groups.’

Exactly this one-on-one makes me so good at my job: when coaching, it’s not about me. My client has all the answers in him/her. I stand for their greatness and can 100% accept and see that there are no right or wrong answers. But this story also keeps giving me an escape. I don’t have to show me for me. It’s ok and necessary not to talk about me.

No need to have an opinion, teach or advise. I’ve not learned to be me. And I feel as if the search for me is ongoing. Making myself more visible for the sake of my business makes me have to shift my focus to me. It makes me have to dare to let go of the urge to fit in. The urge to blend in. To see what others are doing and doing the same.


Courage to be vulnerable


All the while, I thought fitting in was the best thing I could possibly do. And along comes Mrs. Brenรฉ Brown telling me: “nope. wrong.” In the “Call to Courage” (@Netflix) we learn that fitting in is the opposite of belonging. I need to belong to myself first. Speak my truth, tell my story.

‘Belonging’ requires me to be who I am. To feel at home within myself. Being ok with whatever comes up for me. No matter if it makes me stand out or fit in. The feeling deep inside myself that I am doing what I want to do, need to do and love to do is what I need to look for. Feeling ok with it all. Even if it’s uneasy at first, even if it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Watching the documentary I was touched deeply. By the humor with which Brenรฉ Brown takes the stage. The truth of her words. Because, to belong is all I ever really wanted. All anyone ever really wants. That means being vulnerable. Which means doing the work.

From now on…

There will not be a built in self-escape anymore. I’m going to show myself more. Speaking my truth and feeling joy along the way will be what I do. And when I don’t know what my truth or my story is, that will be my story. Because I know I can rewrite my story, the way I perceive myself, at any and every moment.

How will I get there?

Consciousness coachingยฎ, giving and receiving it, will help me with that. Doing what I’m good at and visiting my own coach, will allow the clarity of who I am to increase.

While this is an ongoing process for all of us, the basics for me are:
*taking time to feel what is right,
*imagine the destination
*create the best possible route to get there

That is why I focus on feel, imagine, create in my coaching. Why I offer consciousness coaching ยฎ, taking your mind, body and intuition into account. It is why I believe everything is a choice. We all have the power to act, to tell ourselves a new story.

We deserve to be here as us and no one else. No need to fit in. Because we’re exactly right just the way we are. We belong. You belong. I belong.

Want to experience creating this belonging for yourself? Book your intake here.

Everything is a choice.

When fear comes up, this one tool can help you find relief.

When fear comes up, this one tool can help you find relief.

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I scare easily. And my biggest baddest fear is that I’m afraid to lose a loved one and/or die myself. Basically I’m scared of death. Ever since I became a mom that fear has reached a whole new level.


Scardey cat


Letting the fear in

Sometimes I let that fear in. The other day, I was taking the husband to the hospital for minor surgery. Everything went well. No need to worry about anything at all. Rationally speaking. But sure enough, waking up on “the” day, I felt a stomachache. I felt down and sad and clingy. My kids were starting to feel a little sad, too, when there was no reason for them to feel that way.

Judging the fear

Dealing with this feeling of “what if…death” has always been a very overwhelming fear for me. It could stop me in my tracks. I would push it away, condemning it. Judging myself. Giving myself all sorts of talks: “don’t overreact, it’s no big deal, you’re exaggerating, drama-queen, stop it!, here we go again, sigh, I feel so saaaad while I shouldn’t, look at everything I have right here, right now….” Fighting this feeling hasn’t ever helped me. What it has done is cost a lot of energy. A beautiful quote that illustrates this, is:

Worry is a misuse of your imagination.


Not my reality

Because honestly, my imagination goes wild if I let it. It goes wild when it comes to feeling the fear. I imagine the sadness, the funeral, the daily life, the loss, the impact, and all the horrible things that come along with death. And all the while these feelings and thoughts are not my truth, they are not my reality. That realization should make me feel relieved and blessed and lucky and happy. Instead I get caught up and feel depressed for something that isn’t real for me here and now.
The more I push this fear away, the more it comes back, the bigger it becomes, the more room it wants to claim.

Relief

A very powerful tool I’ve learned in my coachtraining is acknowlegdement. That sounds wierd, right. Is that even a tool? How is that helpful? Well, let me explain. My natural reaction to fear is to push it away, which results in it wanting to come back. Thus making me fight it. I don’t want to live in fear. Truth is, I feel fear. But I don’t want to. Yet, it’s there. I can’t unfeel it. Relief sets in when I acknowlegde it.

How does the tool work?

So, I was driving back home, after having dropped the husband off at the hospital. I felt the fear. And decided to acknowlegde it. Let a few tears roll down my cheek. Then I heard my daughter asking me from the back seat: “Mom, why are you saying it’s ok?” Without realising it, I had been speaking out loud to myself. I was telling my fear: it’s ok you’re here. Being a little scared is ok. It’s ok to feel scared of losing a loved one. Everything is ok.

True, the fear doesn’t go away instantly. I sometimes have te repeat “it’s ok” 20 or 50 times, until I really FEEL it, until I FEEL it’s absolutely, 100% OK to feel the fear. But when I do, there’s relief.

In that moment in the car, I gave my fear room to be. It was ok to feel scared. I didn’t fight it. The tears came. And then they went. I felt until I didn’t feel anymore. Then I dried my tears, let my mind tell me how minor the procedure is and drove home safely.

A little more acknowledgement

Somehow I’ve naturally been making this whole acknowledgement-thing my new habit. The less I fight with myself, the more I do what’s right for me in the moment that is right for me. When I allow everything to just be, fears don’t take on monstrous forms hijacking my life.

Thus letting me move along and do what I do best: coaching the hell out of my clients ;). Up for a little more acknowledgement and a little less overwhelming fear in your life? Shoot me a message & we’ll get working on it.

Everything is a choice.

Compass

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Last week I met up with an old college/friend from my teaching days, whom I hadn’t seen in a very long time.

I thought of how I always wanted what she had. The friends she had, the clothes she had, the skills and talents she had and still does. And that made me realize I so often looked outside for what I want, what I would like to be, how I’d like to look…

I used to have an “outer compass”. With that I mean I tried to make other people’s looks, skills and talents mine, although they weren’t, making my life hard and miserable along the way.

Intrinsic motivation

YES it is true you can learn everything and become outstanding at anything, I do truly believe that. Read my blog on talent here. In my case that was teaching. But you also have to really want it for the right reasons. Because it’s something you really want deep down inside. Not because other people’s lives just seem better doing what they do, having what they have, making you want it too. For your hard work to pay off, there has to be a deep longing, an intrinsic motivation to become outstanding at something, even if you don’t seem talented initially.

Take my teaching as an example. Years ago I used to be a primary school teacher. Why did I get into it? Well, for one, I love kids. My own especially. Other peoples’ kids too, but not for days on end, as I’ve come to learn.

Also, I’ve always seemed good with kids, liked taking care of them and playing with them. And I used to play being a teacher when I was a kid (among MANY other role plays). Also, my mom thought it would be a good idea. My dad agreed. Add into this equation the tiny little fact that I’d already started and not finished two other studies (communication and psychology), it was about time I picked a study and finished it.

throwback to 2012
Throwback to 2012


So, yes, I finished teaching school. And I hated every minute of it. And then I needed money, and so my teaching career began… and I gradually grew into it. I even started to like it, working my ass off for years. During those years I focused on how to be more like my colleagues. Working, wishing and praying I would find the magic wand to make (teaching-) life easy, successful and effortless.

Burn-out

Did I allow myself to nรณt like my job? Nope. Did I allow myself to ‘give up’? Nope. Was I being my true self? NOPE.

And all of a sudden, there it was: my big fat burn-out. Total short-circuit in my brain.
Non-stop crying. And then non-stop sleeping followed by a period of non-stop therapy…Where did that get me?

You won’t believe it, but it actually got me back to teaching. Yes. Teaching. The one thing I was so passionate about…NOT. I was still being led by others. Still not focused on MY compass, on ME. I went back to substitute teaching and told myself this was the best thing for everyone.

Universal intervention

Luckily there was a universal intervention, giving me a way out. We decided to move to Maastricht. Too far away from our previous hometown for me to continue at my job. It’s around this time that I allowed myself to make a small shift. I gave myself some space and started doing more of what made me happy. A different job, a new training. A first step towards coaching. Babysteps, but I was in motion. And as soon as I started my consciousness coaching training with creative consciousness, I came to see: I can choose what I want. I can do what I want. Regardless of what others think. Regardless of what I think they may think. I needed to go deep to realize: I may also be seen for who I am. I may rely on me. I know what is good for me, what works and what doesn’t work. And when my mind tells me otherwise, my body will step in real quick and tell me I’m on the wrong path. My learning process is that it’s ok and it’s safe to rely on me. That looking inside is what I should be doing. That comparing and aiming to be (like) someone else won’t get me anywhere. We are all great at something. My something just doesn’t happen to be teaching.

See us for who we are

It was absolutely wonderful to see my former colleague and friend again. Only this time I could see her for who she is: the best teacher I’ve ever met in my life. And I could see me for who I am: a consciousness coach, working at becoming the absolute best coach I can be and loving every minute of it.

Would you like to check if you’re being led by your outer or inner compass? Download here.

Everything is a choice.

How to #GOGOGO and get in the FLOW in 10 steps

Would you like to feel a little more in flow in your daily activities? How do you ensure that flow? You know, when you’re doing somehting and completely lose track of time?

To maintain balance it is nice to be able to be fully absorbed in (necessary) activities. If you are very focused you get so much more done and you usually get it right in one go. You’re working efficiently and effectively when in flow.
So, how can you ensure that moments of flow do not just “happen” to you, but that you’re able to consciously plan them?

Monday flow day

Monday is often a flow day for me. A day when I get a lot done. Even though my mini, aged 2, is home, I have to do both household tasks and work things and the house looks like something exploded here … Monday is usually my most creative day. It flies by. Leaving me full of energy that lasts in the evening, how nice is that! I benefit a whole week from all the stuff I do mondays. My house is in order at the end of Monday, my social media schedule ready, my appointments prepared, my administration updated, the groceries done and the laundry and ironing updated. Really? Yes, really! And a flowy Monday sets the tone for the rest of the week. A good start is half the battle, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰
That’s why, I mean it when I say: #ilovemondays;) What is your favorite day of the week?

Below you will find the 10 steps that help me to (re-) find my flow, even on the non-Mondays of the week. Ready? Set? Flow!

Step 1: Research

Before you start your ‘task’, it is important to investigate when you do what best. So at which hour of the day do you work best, feel most focused? And do you need absolute silence to be able to concentrate? Or is a certain amount of background noise exactly what you need? Not everyone is at their best in the morning, certainly not me;), so that is certainly useful to know about yourself. Although that is not true for me on Mondays … it might be a mindset thing… I will get back to that in a next blog! What is true, is that productivity peaks vary per person. And if you know when you are the most productive, you can (partially) adjust your schedule accordingly.
Here you will find some here the time management tips if you like that.

Being more specific:
-> Are you an evening person or morning person?
-> When do you generally have the best ideas?
-> What do you need for a good concentration: silence or background noise?
-> Write down 3 moments that you now remember that you were doing something in which time flew by.
What were you doing? How was this moment special? What made it unexpected that time went fast?

Step 2: The right place

Find a place where you feel comfortable and where you can do your work. You must be able to stay focused and be completely absorbed in your task. Although it is nice to work somewhere where, for example, your colleagues are, it could be too big a distraction if you really want to get into the flow. I work best at my kitchen bar. Close to my child, at the center of the house, sitting on a comfortable bar chair. ๐Ÿ™‚

Being more specific:
-> If you need silence: where do you experience it the most? What do you need for that?
-> If you need sound around you: where do you experience it most favorably? How can you ensure this yourself?
-> If you are creative: where can you best do that? What do you need for that?

Step 3: Pen & paper

Another one in the preparation category. I always make sure I have pen and paper. Whether it’s a piece of paper or a notebook doesn’t matter. The point here is that you can write things down. So, imagine you’re working ‘in flow’ and suddenly you realize that you need to call your mom, or you have to arrange that one thing, or a brilliant idea comes to mind. But … these things have nothing to do with what you are doing at the moment. What to do? Write your thoughts on your (draft) paper. Now you don’t have to keep thinking about it and you can continue with your task. Writing helps to remember things.
I am quite a fan of leuchtturm1917 notebooks quite a neat-freak when it comes to my notebooks. That eventually became a little too time-consuming, so I got myself a draft-notebook. I allow myself to write in sloppy handwriting, cross things out and draw random stuff. Using one notebook instead of millions of paper scraps helps me keep random notes together and not loose them, which used to happen sometimes …: \

Being more specific:
-> Get out a draft paper / booklet and paper before you go into the flow.

Step 4: Eliminate distraction

Put your mobile on “Do Not Disturb”. Better yet, ensure more productivity while doing something good for planet earth. ๐Ÿ™‚ Plant real trees while enjoying the flow. The app forest does this automatically and is my personal favorite productivity app. All you have to do is stay away from your phone. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Being more specific:
-> Switch off your mobile, close the door. Make sure you can’t be distracted.

flow

Step 5: Goal

Write down which task you want to complete or which goal you want to achieve “in the flow”.
This gives you a direction and helps you resist the temptation to give in to distracting activities.
Important: writing down is what matters. It provides extra motivation. If you want, you can make your task / goal SMART. (specific, measurable, acceptable, realistic, time-bound) So: Before when do you want what to have done / achieved?

Being more specific:
-> Write which goal / task you want to complete / achieve before when and how. Eg: Today, before the end of the morning / 12:00, I will have finished my blog of at least 500 words, put it online and shared the link on 2 social media channels.

Step 6: Brain dump

Keep your pen and paper handy, because for this step you’ll “dump” your brain. Before you start, write down everything that comes to mind. You don’t want to have an excuse to scroll on the internet / social media and see the hours slipping away. In this step you’ll clear your head by getting your to-do list, still-to-google list, still-to-be-shopping list, still-to-be things out of your system. A clear head thinks sharper.

Being more specific:
-> Empty your head. Create space for flow.

Step 7: Food and drink

I ensure that I always start prepared for my flow moment. By that, I mean I arrange something to eat and drink before starting. I don’t want to get thirsty or hungry in the middle of my flow and then first have to think about what I want, go get that, get talking to someone I meet on my way … Find out what gives you energy, what you feel like eating& drinking. On Monday mornings cappuccino and a glass of water work fine for me.

Being more specific:
-> What do you like to get energy from?
-> What do you like to drink besides water?
-> Get that ready before you start.

Step 8: Music

Just before actually getting started, I turn up the volume of a happy song. I choose something that gets me moving. Listening to the right music gives me an energy boost. I made an energy-boosting playlist for myself, which makes me feel happy and active. I often catch myself dancing. Now I’ve got my mind ready for flow and after my happy-dance my body is ready for flow. ๐Ÿ™‚ Of course you don’t have to dance, any form of activity is fine.

Being more specific :
-> Make sure you feel flow in your body, feel it flowing through your body. It really helps me to dance.

Step 9: Breathing

Now I breathe in consciously and deeply a few times to let everything go. Tension, if it is still there. Unrest, if I still feel it. I feel the air filling my lungs. I breathe all the way to my belly. Lower my shoulders, feel the weight of my arms and how relaxed my neck and shoulders are.

Being more specific:
-> Release deep tension and unrest in your body. Do this a few times until you feel that your arms, neck and shoulders are relaxed.

Step 10: Put a smile on your face and GO!

Small tip! Just to be sure: turn on a timer in case you need to be somewhere, sometime. You never know how long you’ll stay in flow;)
I have created a flow worksheet that you can download and print. I’m happy to support your flow! ๐Ÿ™‚

In summary: you should now have a #GOGOGO mood | a relaxed body | a relaxed mind |focus | motivation.

I’d say: enjoy:)

Everything is a choice.

Selfishness

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Is there such a thing as good selfishness or bad selfishness?

That is something I struggle with a lot. Many of the conflicts at home are about me making choices for myself. Unfortunately, I sometimes exaggerate and then it becomes self-centred behaviour. Right in the middle of those moments I feel that it I am spending time doing what I want, because it is something I really need. But because I have no balance in that, it becomes self-centered behavior and not good-selfish. Somehow I suddenly forget that I live with other people and that I have a responsibility towards them. Finding that balance is sometimes a challenge for me. I’m either 100% about my family’s and friends’ needs or 100% about my own. How can I be selfish in a good and healthy way? When does selfishness turn into something bad?

How it works for my client

Last week the topic of selfishness came up with a client. This client finds it easier and more important to honor commitments when it comes to other people. Specifically when he can be of importance for others / the community. Whenever the commitment involves others, he will fulfil it 100%. Whenever it’s a commitment to himself it’s more difficult. The excuses for not doing it are easier to find, are more obvious to him. Because yes, others depend on me. I can tend to myself later. Sure, it’s okay to say you put others first, but how do you maintain your integrity and do what you say you would do TO YOURSELF? Luckily, what my client is really good at is keeping the deal with himself.

Champion postponer

I find myself not so good at that. I am a champion “postponer” of my commitments to myself and postponement leads to more postponement and then eventually it doesn’t happen anymore. As a result, I end up in a negative spiral and I give up or I forget. And I let myself be carried away by whatever comes up that day. That means I am not creating my life. I am in reaction to whatever comes up. Creating my life, would mean I do what I say I would do, NO MATTER who I say it to. Well, there are tools to help me become better at that. I’m trying them all it out. Planning, writing things down, trying different ways of setting goals. Also, prioritising, keeping integrity high, working with the 1-3-5 method, etc. It’s all trial and error when it comes to de-postponing. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Mirror

Whenever I haven’t taken care of myself properly / consciously for a long time, I notice that all of a sudden I stop thinking of other people all together (in particular my family / husband). I shift and focus only on me, until my husband holds up the mirror and shows me how my behavior is affecting our day to day. Honest to say this mirroring has been a while. I recognise the signs faster these days. And then I know it’s time to take more small moments for myself. Selfish or not. No label of right or wrong. I go upstairs earlier in the evening to do my meditation longer than usual. Or I take a longer shower and spend more time in the bathroom without rushing. And doing groceries I’ll more often take a detour to a coffee shop for a cup of coffee with myself. me-time and we-time The more often I take those little moments, the less it escalates into a big self-centered moment and minor marital crisis. I choose not to see selfishness as something bad when it is all well-dosed. In my opinion, extremes are never good. Balance is key.

Selfish balance act

So how about that selfishness-balance? When is it good to be selfish and when is it not? And how is it that the word in itself has such a negative charge? Because it almost feels like a cuss word. While sometimes it is very important to be selfish. To make choices for yourself from within yourself. Because it’s your life. Despite the fact that you are part of a family, of a community you sometimes have to dare to choose for yourself, because that is good for you. Sometimes you have to choose NOT based on opinions of others. So will I only choose me from now on? No, I absolutely don’t want that. I am all about sharing, caring and togetherness. Those things don’t mean that I don’t find myself important. That there must also be time for me. Only then can I maintain balance. And it is a true bonus if I manage to choose meaningful activities during me-time, activities that will make the boat go faster. Don’t know what I mean? Read my boats blog post! So, I have here another great topic to work on this week. To establish selfishness-balance using my power to act and my integrity. To be the creator of my life. The question I ask myself this week will be: What becomes possible when me-time and them-time is balanced? The stand I take is: I choose from within myself for myself. This does not mean that I do not take others into account and I don’t care for them. Curious how you can embed good selfishness in your life? Book your intake here! Everything is a choice.

Perspective

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It’s all about perspective…

Last week we went to the superb Museumnacht Maastricht. Maybe you joined Meet Maastricht on a tour? We started off our evening at The Student Hotel, where Pecha Kucha was hosted.

Pecha Kulcha

Pecha Kucha is a 20×20 presentation, during which people present 20slides, and talk us through the slides during 20sec per slide. All in all, 4 people gave a presentation of roughly 7 minutes each. The presentation that stayed with me most was given by Mischa Horninge. His presentation was called “The Overview effect” and basically what that means is, that astronauts, who’ve had the privilege of seeing our planet earth from the outer space perspective, return to earth as environmentalists.

Different perspective

Changing their way of looking at our beautiful, precious and unique planet, makes them realize how amazing it is to live on that planet. They gain the insight, that they can keep their spacecraft clean, organized and tidy all they want, it won’t change the fact that humans on earth are polluting, exploiting and destroying their own home. In outer space they see the beauty and the wonder that our home is and they feel a deep need to return home and DO something about the destruction of te planet.

The presentation was concluded with an invitation to come to the Columbus Earth Center in Kerkrade. We’re all invited to come experience looking at our planet from the outer space perspective too and hopefully become avid protectors of our planet.

Change

I was touched. By the fact that it takes a space mission to make someone a passionate and dedicated environmentalist. By the fact that a new perspective can give you so much insight that you radically change how you live your life. And by the fact that these people, among many others, are raising awareness of the need for humankind to change its perspective.

Because when we do, we can make a change. When we do, we can turn climatechange around. When we do, there is still time. Changing perspective doesn’t have to be radical and a 180degree turn. It can start with the small things. Buying less. Eating a little less meat. Being a little more conscious of packaging.

<3>The funnel effect It is possible to start even smaller. Being nice to others. Making a connection, smiling at strangers. And even smaller than that. Taking care of yourself. Taking care of your thoughts, your time, your body, your health. Putting yourself first.

When you look at things differently, you make different choices. When you choose to see the good, you will see so much good stuff. When you choose to like yourself, others will like you even more. When you choose to care, you will inspire others to care, too. When you feel you are worthy, you will receive. When you feel you can make a difference, you will.

Consciousness coaching is all about making that shift. That shift towards yourself. That shift inside, so that you can move from there. All it takes is one deep shift. One trip into space.

Feel like getting in a spacecraft with me and change your perspective on your life? I’m ready. If you are too, book your seat here.

Everything is a choice.

Stuck

I’m feeling totally stuck. Maybe that still has something to do with my breakdown. Or with my first business coaching session….

Where is the flow?

Somehow it feels as if writing a short blog each week is becoming too much pressure instead of something I like to do and look forward to. I seem to be delaying it until the latest possible moment. All the while doubting every topic that comes to mind. That’s not helpful to myself or to the quality I want to deliver. As I’ve mentioned before, I work best when I experience flow. And I seem to have lost my flow at the moment.

There is so much going on in my mind, that I can’t help but feel stuck. Whenever that happens, I find myself showing signs of evasive behavior. Which translates into doing everything and anything I can think of that will keep me from facing the dilemma at hand.
The dilemma being that I am completely and utterly stuck.

Stuck in how to best reach my clients, stuck in how to best serve my clients, stuck in how to best communicate with all of you.

stuck

Often times, being stuck either means
a) it’s time to take a close look at what you’re doing and figure out if you’re truly doing what you were “meant” to be doing.
Or
b) that you’re on to something but haven’t found the words, the means and/or the right place to get it out there.

Type a) stuck

I might be experiencing the latter, because a) for sure isn’t it. A) stuck and in need to re-evaluate my profession – happened to me a couple of years ago, when I was a primary school teacher who felt stuck. At that time, although I knew I was very stuck, it never occurred to me that I was stuck because I was literally stuck in the wrong profession.

That realization came to me MUCH later, after having suffered a major burn-out. After being forced to stop teaching. At least for a while. When I overcame the burn-out, I did go back to teaching at first. Luckily, that time I quickly realized that I was not in my dream job. I felt drained and stuck again very quickly. The move to Maastricht was my ideal moment to give up being a schoolteacher for real.

The minute I gave up my until-then career, I became unstuck. I became active and happy again, seeing opportunities and trying out new things. Such as working at the wonderful FESTEN store in Maastricht for a year. Because I needed to earn some money. And I wanted to do something fun, with fun people in a beautiful and fun environment.

Watching the ladies from FESTEN do what they loved every day, inspired me to go do what I love most and know how to do well: asking people questions. Connecting. Translating insights to specific and achievable plans. Watching dreams become reality. Shining a light on hidden desires. Coaching. Consciousness Coaching to be precise.

Type b) stuck

Knowing that I love coaching, feeling in my gut that I am good at coaching, makes me pretty sure I’m stuck because of b) I haven’t found the words that most resonate with me and what I do, yet. I haven’t found my way to get them out there, yet.

But just because I haven’t found the words YET, doesn’t mean I’ll settle and stay stuck. It means that I’m stuck because I have to dig deeper. I’m stuck so it’s time I called in some help and mentoring. And I’m stuck because I’m on to something, but I just don’t know what yet. I’m not quite complete yet.

I can do it alone, or can I?

I always used to think I could do everything on my own.

But I increasingly find strength in reaching out, strength in asking for help.

So, this coach, aka me, is being coached. And my coach, Joris Swinkels, sure has got his work cut out for him! But I’m quite sure he’ll manage just fine. Just as sure as I know that I will manage just fine when you bring your story of being stuck to the table in your coaching session. My going through it now will enable my coaching sessions with you to go even deeper.

So, are you ready to do the work? Ready to find out if you’re a) or b) stuck? And then explore what to do next?
Book your intake and let’s get to coaching! I’m ready!

Everything is a choice.

Breakdown

Why am I feeling so low? Am I having a breakdown? What do need to move through this breakdown? Is there something I need to see? What will it bring me?

Magic wand

These and other thoughts have been going through my mind for the last couple of days. I’ve come to realise that I’m currently in the middle of a breakdown. Actually, I’m in the middle of resisting a breakdown. I feel shitty and empty and as if I’ve lost my sense of direction.
Ever since I’ve been ‘waiting’ for the date of my oral exam and then passing it, I’m lost. As if recieving my diploma would work as a magic wand transforming me into a whole new person/coach. I’m in the transformation business, I should know this is not quite how it works… ๐Ÿ˜‰

The way I feel now, is not how I want to feel AT ALL. There is no real reason for me to feel this way. The sun is finally shining again, my kids are doing great and feeling good, I have a nice life and my Consciousness coaching diploma is in the pocket. So, what’s up? I honestly feel like crying all the time, why? Why am I alienating my husband? What if I just change my context, set a commitment and GET INTO ACTION? Why does it seem impossible to do what I know works? It seems, I forget to acknowledge what “is”. I forget to take a look at myself and acknowledge the feelings, the situation and the name of the ‘problem’:

I’m having a breakdown. And I am not ok with that.

Judgement

I hear myself judging me for feeling the way I am. Whilst in the middle of experiencing all this heavy sadness, the best thing I can come up with is giving myself a hard time because of it. Now that I look at what I am doing to me, subconsciously, I see that the last thing that will help me out is self-judgement.

How to overcome the breakdown?

What I need is

  • space
  • to let it out
  • self-love to be ok with what is
  • to share
  • Even though I don’t feel like any of the above,
    I know that only doing all of the above will eventually help.

    Space will allow me to take care of myself, look at all I’m feeling, breathe and let it out. Self-love will take away the judgement, help me focus on gratitude and on myself: on who I am deep down. And the hardest one of all: sharing. We all go through rough times, for good reason or no reason at all. It doesn’t matter. What matters is: everyone can relate to some extent. And finding out there are more people feeling ‘meh:(‘ today [whatever ‘meh:(‘ may mean] helps.

    Love is all around

    Realising you have friends who’ll reach out and show you they’re here for you is heartwarming. Hearing a newly found friend say: “You don’t have to do everything by yourself!” moves me. Finding out that alienating my hubby hurts him just as much as it hurts me, shows that love is all around me. Even my children were more affectionate towards me in these past days. I just decided not to see it anymore. I was resisting my feelings so much, that I closed myself off completely.

    Rock bottom

    The second I got this issue out in the open by sharing and wroting this blog, I looked at the clock. It said 11:11. Somehow that comforted me. It means it’s going to be fine. Or that’s what I choose to think it means. Everything will be allright in the end. And you know what? If it’s not alright, it’s not the end. Never did that feel more true than now. It’s not quite the end yet. I haven’t reached rock bottom… whoopwhoop. What an exciting prospect.

    But I’m taking the steps: giving myself space, love and allowing to receive what comes from sharing. So far that’s been quite a lot. A lot of tears, a lot of shitty feelings, a lot of gratitude, and a lot of love. <3

    Everything is gonna be alright. For me and for you. Feel like sharing? Contact me here.

    Everything is a choice.

    Play

    I’ve been wondering what my next blog should be about. So many options, yet I wasn’t feeling it. And I like feeling it. I like letting the words flow easily, without a need to overthink and research and work hard. Those are the best. Written out of flow.

    So, this morning, while I was dusting off my 90’s dance moves in my living room, the stereo blasting crappy happy dance music at a VERY HIGH volume (my poor toddler…) and feeling soo GOOD, it hit me.

    Playfulness. That’s going to have to be the topic.

    Life is too serious

    Hasn’t life just gotten too serious every now and then? Soooo much on your to do list, so many aspirations, so much work to do, money to earn, bills to pay, meals to cook…
    When is there time to play and do you even know how? It doesn’t have to be a big deal, or cost you a lot of time. Playing can be so much as dancing in your living room until you feel the sweat running down your back. ๐Ÿ™‚

    How liberating it can feel to go out and play, is something I experienced this past weekend. My fellow consciousness coaches, beautiful people you might have seen passing by on my insta stories, and me had the privilege of spending 24hours in a cabin in the woods. We went for a walk on a ‘barefoot trail’ (trail closest to Maastricht is here), gathered a HUGE amount of wood and made an equally huge bonfire. We cooked our meal on that fire and spent all night sitting around it, wrapped in blankets, telling each other the stories of our lives, deepening our connection and feeling the happy and the sad.

    Liberation

    We all agreed that walking around barefoot, gathering twigs, branches, tree trunks and making that fire awakened the inner child in us, at least to some extent. Playfulness, the piece of ourselves that wants to have fun, laugh and not have a care in the world. Playfulness, the piece of ourselves that wants to make its own rules every now and then, that seeks adventure and mischief. Is it awake in you?

    If you take a look at yourself, your life, do you consider yourself a fun person? By that I mean, someone who can let go and go out and play. And if you are, when do you let that playfulness out? When do you consciously connect to your sense of adventure, fun, laughter, lightness and mischief? And what could that bring you?

    It hit me

    To be honest with you, the thing that hit me today, was not how awesome it is to feel like a kid again. Or that having fun, laughing your ass off and being silly is so much fun.

    What truly hit me, what I truly got is that playfulness sets free a huge amount of creativity. And: it sets you in motion.

    Life is one big playground, if that’s what you choose to see.

    So, lovely peolple, I don’t know about you, but I’ve got some serious dancing to do. I’m going to surrender completely, and PLAY.

    Feel like joining? Contact me here. ๐Ÿ™‚

    See ya later!

    Everything is a choice.